'I'm so happy I survived': Once-suicidal Hemel woman who suffered horrific injuries jumping from Tring bridge lives to tell a tale of hope
A young woman who tried to take her own life by jumping off a bridge onto a busy road has asked to tell her story to help others in the same despair.
Zoë Saint-Gobain, now 34, stood for 90 minutes in the cold on the bridge in Tring before placing her keys and purse on the ground and trying to end her life.
Incredibly she survived the fall and was airlifted to John Radcliffe hospital over in Oxford.
“I should have died”, she said. “But now I want people to know that I’m glad I didn’t”.
The fall did, however, break every major bone in Zoë’s body from her waist downwards. Her pelvis was shattered into 11 pieces and she needed both knees and both hips replaced during more than 150 hours of surgery.
Even more seriously, the impact caused multiple bleeds on the brain and she was in a coma for weeks.
"Nobody expected me to wake... All the professionals agreed that if I did, I would be needing round the clock care,” she said.
But Zoë did eventually regain consciousness, although she was not lucid for the following six months as her brain slowly healed.
The fall took place in May 2018 when Zoë was 27 years old. Living in Hemel Hempstead, she had beaten a heroin addiction, was holding down a full-time managerial job in a car dealership and had even earned a promotion.
On the surface, it seemed her life was smooth-sailing. But in reality, her mental health was crumbling and her thoughts were getting more and more out of control and crazy.
"I'd never been an adult without the numbness of heroin,” she said. "I was getting prepared for the apocalypse, filling my car with enough stuff to start my own civilisation. Going to the local shops ( a 45 second drive away) I was going through these crazy 'what if' scenarios like being prepared to get snowed in in the middle of April... At the time it was perfectly logical,” she recalls.
Increasing depressed, anxious and confused, Zoë booked a couple of weeks off work and for eight days in a row she drove to the bridge. But something always made her drive home again.
On the final night she even phoned a drug and alcohol helpline and explained she was struggling.
"I was told if I gave a drug positive urine test I could see someone from crisis team within 24 hours. If didn't, it would be a six months minimum wait... I was not willing to relapse and take drugs,” she said.
The following lunchtime, she jumped from the bridge. Today, she remembers nothing from that day and only knows what police called to the scene have told her.
"It was probably something random and petty that tipped me over the edge but I know the real problems stemmed from my childhood,” she says.
Born in Milton Keynes to a mother of 11 children, including three sets of twins, and an absent father, young Zoë’s nickname from her half-siblings was ‘the rat’ and she says she suffered abuse and neglect before she was taken into care at the age of 14.
Several foster homes later she found comfort in heroin, using up to £20 worth of the drug each day before school or work.
Today Zoë is clean from drugs, attends regular Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous fellowships and is a regular at her local church in Hemel Hempstead, where she is currently working on getting baptised.
But her biggest battle of all has been learning to walk again with the lower half of her body held together with 17 titanium plates and around 100 screws.
Seven years on, the council has moved her to a ground floor flat and she spends her days practising walking further and further around the community on her crutches. The day she managed with one crutch instead of two was a major victory, she says.
"I dedicate every morsel of energy to learning how to walk again without the blooming crutches!”
Zoë hopes her story and inspiring videos could prevent other people in despair from attempting to take their own lives and she wants to spread the message that there is hope at the end of the dark tunnel. Her own life now is incredibly good, she says.
"I'm getting better all the time and my balance and memory issues are improving as my brain starts to heal after the traumatic brain injury… I'm so so grateful for everyone that has helped me.”
But she adds: “I've felt a type of guilt about everyone who witnessed what I did... I j want to get the message out that I'm really sorry they had to see that and I am dedicated to my determined drive to walk unaided so that I can be a good news story.
“I hope you can help me get the news out that I’m not just okay – I’m thriving. And it’s thanks to everyone who saved me on the A41 that fateful Sunday afternoon.”
If you are in need of help, you can get in touch with Samaritans 24/7 by calling 116 123 for free to talk about any difficulties, struggles, or worries you are facing. They offer confidential, non-judgmental support via phone, email at [email protected], or through their online chat service.
"We're here to listen, no judgement, no pressure, and help you work through what's on your mind. We'll never tell you what to do,” said a Samaritans spokesperson.